If you've never heard the term love bombing (or aren't quite sure what it means), let me explain. In the beginning of every relationship everything feels "new" and exciting; you wanna spend lots of time with each other and can't keep your hands off each other. That's normal. Love bombing on the other hand is when a narcissist shows an overwhelming lot of affection and attention for the purpose of manipulating another into an emotional position they can easily control. They want you to become emotionally dependent on them so they always hold the upper hand in the relationship. The high is in the grand gestures and acts of love which is largely self-serving and only strokes their ego and savior complex. You might ask: how do I know if it's the new relationship rush or if I'm being love bombed? Well, read on...
1. They're Doing Things According to What You Want, Not Who They Are
A person who customizes themselves according to who they're dating are either top level narcissists or extremely lacking individualism. Either way, huge red flag! It's normal to pick up your partner's interests as you're introduced into their world and discovering things you have in common to mutually enjoy. What's not normal is when a person customizes themselves completely to match the ideals of what they believe their new partner prefers. Nobody can keep up a personality act forever, at some point true colors come out. Playing the role of your ideal just so they can keep an audience with you is love bombing and manipulative. Run!
2. Excessive Compliments and Grand Gestures
Compliments are great, who doesn't like them? Grand displays of affection can be so romantic, we can all agree. But have you ever been in a situation where you felt the compliments and gestures were overwhelming, exaggerated, and maybe even suffocating? No, you're not an ungrateful asshole - they're trying to manipulate you. The belief that you will become more fond of them because of their obvious adoration is what causes them to do this. "You're beautiful" is a compliment; "you're the most perfect person in the world, I love you more than life" is love bombing. Especially when they barely know you and are already telling you they love you. Walk away from this one.
3. Already Talking Commitment and You Barely Know Each Other
Yeah yeah yeah, we've all heard that one story about the couple who married 1 week after knowing each other and lived happily together for 70 years. If you size up someone else's love story to justify your decisions, that's your first problem. Minus the rare cases of successful marriages at first sight, anyone who wants a lifetime commitment and barely just learned their partner's middle name is probably a little nuts themselves. Manipulating you into the bliss and glamour of commitment (like that's all it entails) by bombing you with love talks of forever. Run, baby, don't walk.
4. Becoming Angry and Emotional When You Set Boundaries
You can expect two types of reactions from a narcissistic love bomber who feels rejected: angry and emotional. The angry one will lash out and take it personally. This is when you see their ugly side as they accuse you of being ungrateful, convince you that others wouldn't be as good to you, then use your insecurities against you. They will gaslight you effortlessly and act as though they've been your savior. When you're a victim of emotional manipulation, you'll immediately feel like shit for upsetting this person who is so "good" to you, and that is how they'll bring your boundaries down. It is imperative to understand and identify signs of love bombing and learning to honor your boundaries inspite of these manipulative tactics.
5. An Undying Need to Recieve Lustful Affirmation For Every Gesture
They put themselves in positions to do things and make gestures and then require some sort of pat on the back from you to continue on their ideals of emotional superiority. Nothing done for you is actually for you, it's an attempt to feed their savior ego. Love bombers are narcissists who have a savior complex and feed on the idea of being needed. If you find yourself with someone who performs grand and excessive gestures nobody asked them to do and require some sort of praise and recognition for it, you're with a narcissist and you should run, not walk.